The Curious and Illustrious Life

New Place and Time

2007-08-06T20:33:00.001-04:00

So, as you have probably noticed - this blog has been out of commission for a while. I was in DC for the summer and I decided to deactivate it for various personal reasons. This blog is not completely defunct, but I will not be posting on it as much as I used to, because I have this new blog: A Woman with the Misfortune of Knowing Anything and I will be posting at that one more regularly than this one - please visit it! It's a re-imagination of the same idea behind this blog - I hope you like it. It only has a few posts right now, but enjoy what's there - more to come, and please leave comments if you would like me to speak to any particular subjects.

What I have to look forward to...

2007-03-29T18:51:00.001-04:00

Shadows and Betrayal (of sort...)

2007-03-29T13:46:00.000-04:00

I was just looking over my old website that I posted on my web server space that every Yale student gets - I was so gung-ho about it - it's all coming back to me now. I took the website down, because it took too long to update and keep up, but I am thinking of trying to do it again. I had a very good web design and all, but it was just so much easier to blog through this website, that I just stopped.

Thinking about that website made me want to blog - so here I am. I am very sorry that I have been such a flake about posting - I haven't been busy - so that's not really an excuse. I've just been trying to recover from all the things that have been going on since Spring Break. My sister is finally a doctor of philosophy - she has her PhD!! My parents came up to see her thesis defense and now she is back on the hospital wards. She's almost done - I am very happy for her! I just gotta keep her morale up.

I was hit with a lot of administrative tasks when I got back, mainly getting reimbursements for IAW and Mock Trial. So even though I am done with the two activities for the most part, I have still some residual duties - ugh! Oh well , that's life I suppose. It's all done now though - so no problem - now I just have to go to the various events that are left until elections!

I am finally 21 - not a big birthday for most Muslims - but still, a big birthday in general. It sort of came and went with out a lot of pomp and circumstance. That's the way I like it - I am slowly celebrating with my friends - this Friday, going out for Ethiopean with my suitemates - that should be fun. I bought myself a new iPod (a video one!) - since mine wouldn't turn on except to make a whirring and clicking noise.

Life is generally good - except, when I have the least to do, I feel the most stress - I can't quite explain it, but I think it's because I have had more time to think about things. I have been doing a lot of thinking lately. I have come to the realization that I am terrified of being a failure in life. I don't want to go through this world with out having made some kind of difference that people will remember me for. I don't know quite what I want, but I really want a legacy of some kind - some way for me to measure my success. I don't exactly know how to do that - and no happiness is not what will determine my success. That's lame - you can be happy doing anything - that's not a good gauge. When I have more figured out, I might write more, but right now, I am just pondering and I am a little freaked out.

Another thing that has sort of upset me is that I have been somewhat betrayed. It's not that big of a deal, it's more the principle of the matter. This supposed friend of mine has been totally two-faced with me - to my face, s/he is the nicest and seems like s/he is keeping my confidence, but behind my back, s/he's been telling others, even though I have asked him/her not to say anything. Now, this isn't personal information about me, but rather, information that has to do with the cohesion of the Muslim community. Instead of keeping his/her mouth shut, this supposed friend has been jockeying and creating fitna in our small little Yale MSA family. These problems have been giving the Yale MSA president and vice-president a really hard time and leading people to do things that they don't want to do- and that's why I think it's upset me. Not to mention that s/he's lied to me to my face with no remorse or regret. I don't know how to quite approach it - it's partially my fault for trusting this person - I am better at picking these people out. But without a doubt, I will not make that mistake again, and now, I will never trust this person again. I think I am disappointed that I let such a betrayal happen to me; events like these only make me more cynical about people and their intentions.

There is nothing really else for me to say, except that I guess I have learned my lesson. Now I am only reminiscing about all the things I could have done with the wasted time.

"Dost thou love life? Then do not squander time, for that the stuff life is made of." - Benjamin Franklin

300 - Reflections on a Film

2007-03-17T15:25:00.000-04:00

Before break started, I went to go see 300, the new film about the battle of Thermopylae based on the Frank Miller graphic novel of the same name. It had been hyped up to me by my friends since December, but after seeing all the previews and the promo clips, I knew how ridiculous it was going to be.

And indeed, it was very ridiculous - both graphically stunning and terribly racist. For those of you who don't know what the film's premise is, let me enlighten you. 300 Spartan soliders, the best in the world, face the millions of the Persian army in the name of freedom and equality for 3 days, giving the rest of Greece enough time to gather their forces and meet Xerxes, the king of Persia, and defeat him in the Battle of Platea. It sounds like it could be an amazingly inspirational, though bloody, story, right? Well, it was definitely bloody (though not as violent as Sin City, which I couldn't stomach).

First of all, the movie was bad from the standpoint of a plot and dialogue - from the minute the Persian embissary gets shoved into a bottomless well, I couldn't stop laughing. The freedom, liberty and equality lines were irritating me - I am pretty idealistic, but come on, who are we kidding? Of course, the movie conveniently forgets to mention the millions of Helots, GREEKS, that the Spartans oppressed, so that they could live their lavish lifestyle. But who cares about history. I am pretty sure some of the lines from that move came straight from a couple of President Bush's speeches. Does that give you an idea of how bad the dialogue was?

Second, the represenation of the Persians was incredibly stupid and obvious. It stunk of orientalism and racism. I don't know whether the director and the producer were serious when they envisioned this. The Greeks, who were fighting for liberty and justice, were buff and very white and Aryan. They were beautiful! The Persians on the other hand consisted of every colored person on Earth - and they were hideous. I am talking about deformities, half-beast/half-human - yep, that's how the Persians were represented. It was so obvious, that my usually very obtuse (obtuse about race and gender issues, pretty sharp about everything else) guy-friends even noticed it. And they laughed at how silly it was (I was fuming after the movie).

But all in all, I actually liked it for it's ridiculousness and because now, when I rant about orientalism and racism, I have a concrete example that everyone understands (I can't really talk about 19th century paintings with these guys). It has only helped me in my quest to end these kinds of stereotypes - I was actually able to have a conversation about Edward Said with these guys. And that's why I stopped being angry and telling people, that if you don't know what I am talking about when I say "demonizing the East" - please go see 300.

It's Been A While....

2007-03-13T22:31:00.000-04:00

Wow...it's been a really long time since I last posted. I am very sorry about that. I am finally on spring break - IAW and Mock Trial were finished with a long time ago. I didn't get Freshman Counselor or a job in London (that's ok - everything that happens, it happens for the best). I am now starting to work on papers and reading - apply for more jobs in D.C. (I have a job interview tomorrow for the Center for American Progress). Life is good and bad at the same time - and I can't quite explain it. I have had a few interesting experiences to tell you about.

So...I have discovered Nintendo Wii - it's terrible for my studying habits - but I use it as a study break - so I turned its destructive qualities (i.e. waste of time) into a treat, and incentive if you please, to motivate me to study for longer periods of time. The thing is Wii is probably the only video game that I have ever and will ever know how to play. Most video games have complicated controlers - but the Wii - you just have to be able to move your hands - it's incredible technology. The funny thing is when I am old, my children are going to laugh at this technology and they won't believe that we played with stuff so ancient.

On to other news, for my "Race and Violence in the American City" seminar paper, I am doing research in the Manuscripts and Archives Library at Yale. I've been looking at the Cyrus R. Vance Papers - Cyrus Vance was the deputy Secretary of Defense during the 1967 Detroit Riots. First of all, what it takes to get in there is rather high security - you have to register and then sign in. You aren't allowed anything except a laptop - they provide you with pencil and paper if you need it. Then they take you to the items you've called up (in this case Cyrus Vance's papers) and you sit at a table in a dimly lit room and read over the documents you've requested. It's what historians do - and it felt sooo cool doing it. The manuscript and archive room is gorgeous and the people who were doing research in the room seemed like they had never seen the light (regular light and warm temperatures are bad for the documents they keep). They were probably history graduate students - looking at declassified FBI documents just like me. What was interesting was that there were portions of the documents that were taken out because they were "restricted", but I am fairly sure that you can find those documents online. Ooops....

I am leaving for home this Thursday - looking forward to being home with my parents! I will get to interview some witnesses of the Detroit riots while I am there, which will be enlighting to be sure. That's it for now - and until next time, here's a quote, to bring back an old tradition of mine.

Come out of the circle of time
And into the circle of love.
-Rumi

My Dinner with Farid Esack

2007-02-24T13:35:00.000-05:00

Islamic Awareness Week is finally over! I can breathe deep now and I will have time for me! I just have to get over the midterms and I will be into spring break. I am feeling good, if not a little tired.

IAW most definitely ended with a bang - 50 people showed up to the Master's Tea with Farid Esack. The topic of his speech was "AIDS, Islam, and Liberation Theology" - and it was AMAZING. The entire time I was nodding my head in agreement. The thing is, you already know everything he says, but you've never quite been able to put into words the way he does. That's what an academic can do - take intuitions and put them into words. There was one point when he talked about how Muslims have poured millions of dollars into figuring out how to get around the ban against interest in Islam while staying competitive in the capitalist system and how this taught him the pliability of religion. Yet, Muslims are not ready to rethink gender issues in Islam and tackle the verses in the Qur'an that seem to go against the normative grain of our times. That for me was just a wonderful example of how Muslims will work hard to engage with one part of the modern system, but not the other. Brilliant I tell you - just brilliant! He was very witty and incredibly engaging - dinner with him was such a treat, even though I was sitting rather far away from him.

I haven't told anyone this - but I think I am going to save his cell phone number in my contacts list....is that bad?

Quickness...

2007-02-19T01:18:00.000-05:00

The Long Island Mock Trial Regional hosted at Yale wrapped up today. It went fairly smoothly despite feeling like the months of hard work that went into it were unappreciated and unknown. After that blur of a weekend, I have Islamic Awareness Week coming up. It is going to be a busy week and life is going to be tough - but I'll be ok, right?

Ooof - why do I get depressed about these things? I guess it's because I realize how much time I spend on things that are worthless to others despite their objective value. Well - they are of high value to me and I think they should be to others. Are my priorities not in order? Have I done something wrong? I'll never understand what it is - it will just continue to happen to me and I will always be blindsighted by it. It's God's cruel joke on me. Everytime I let my hopes get up a little bit (it's not that much, because I have so little faith in people generally), I always end up crashing spectacularly, despite having not very high expectations. Why does this happen? I like to think it's because people are so incredibly irresponsible and delinquent, while those who disappoint me think it's my extremely picky standards of conduct. In reality, it is probably a combination of the two - but unfortunately I will never strike the right balance. Again, just my luck in life. I don't have terrible luck - I just don't have great luck.

Life always hits you fast - like that commericial says - and I don't think I'll ever be able to keep up.

On Joy

2007-01-26T13:58:00.000-05:00

I've been busy the past week or so with getting settled into the new semester and preparing for Islamic Awareness Week and the AMTA regional that Yale is hosting. It's been very hectic, and I am already behind on my reading - and it's only been two weeks. Oof!

Nevertheless, I am enjoying myself a lot. It's true that I miss home every now and then (I have resolved to write letters to my parents more often to deal with that) and I get a little depressed about life (but who doesn't?). My joy isn't hyper or big, but rather a joy of serenity and comfort - I know where I am in my life and I have an idea of where I am going. I am ok with the immediate world around me (i.e. Yale, my suitemates, my friends, my activities - except for mock trial, but that's going to end soon YAY!!!) - the rest of the world I'll get to in due time. But I want to enjoy my mental freedom for the time being and relax. Right now, I really know that everything is going to be ok...

Bummer...

2007-01-14T19:20:00.000-05:00

I was supposed to get into New Haven today, but icestorms hit the Midwest and my flight got cancelled. I am glad that I've gotten another night at home, but it's hard to do it all over again. You know - finally telling yourself that you have to go back to school - I even got to the airport and boarded the plane when they said the flight was cancelled. I was ready to go back to school, now I am back home and enjoying the freedom from work and I am NOT ready to go back. It took me a week to prepare to leave home - and now I have to compress that process into a 24 hour period. *Sigh* - what is a girl to do?

Off to figure out what classes I am going to take....

Death Penalty Musings

2007-01-12T16:22:00.000-05:00

It's been some time since the world has reacted to the execution of Saddam Hussein - so why am I writing about it now? Well it's taken some time for me to collect my thoughts, many of which were shattered and confused by the various news reports that I saw on TV or read about in the newspaper.

For the most part, I am a person that is against the death penalty - particularly its use in the U.S., whose justice system has been known to make many mistakes and whose procedure for killing the guilty are clean and sanitary, but are terribly inhumane. The thing about beheading someone, even though it is quite gory, is that it is quick and painless (not that I believe we should start doing that here in the U.S - but just to say that we shouldn't act morally superior to countries who use this form of the death penalty.) The reason I say for the most part is because I do believe that there are some who we know - absolutely know - that they are guilty of killing another human being. The Qur'an states that the correct punishment for taking another human's life is to take the guilty person's life - seems logical to me. Eye for an eye is not cruel per se - it just makes economical sense. What is the proper compensation if someone takes my eye - or my life? The only equivalent to me seems another person's eye - or their life. I know the famous quote, "The rule an eye for an eye only makes the whole world blind" - and that may be true - but it also may make people think twice before they do something wrong.

So what is the proper punishment for someone who has tortured and murdered hundreds of thousands of people and has BRAGGED about it, showing absolutely no remorse? Death of course - which is what many people said was the proper punishment for the heinous crimes that Saddam Hussein committed. But one life, for the loss of so many - seems a little out of proportion to me. Alas, we cannot kill a man such as this more than once, at least not physically.

So off to gallows for him, but what do I expect his execution to look like? I certainly didn't expect the cell phone footage that swept across the web - crowds taping, executioners taunting - is that appropriate? Is that how his execution should have played out? I am still torn about this, because why does this man deserve any dignity in death (if there is such a thing)? But at the same time, when I should not feel sympathy for this man, I did - in my head I thought - no one should have to die like that - having to die by noose was bad enough. But wait - his death isn't enough - maybe taunting him before he dies is one way to make the punishment more appropriate or fitting. What is the responsiblity of the state to the dignity of the guilty when it is putting someone to death? In America, we ask someone what they would like for their last meal, see if they have any last request that can be granted - and we put them in sound-proof chambers so that they don't hear the audience outside. Is this the standard we should keep for mass murderers like Hussein? At what point does an eye for an eye just stop working and just become disgusting? It becomes that age old question, should we stoop as low as our enemies would? I wonder if the answer is really no as our parents always tell us it is...

Shopping for Produce

2007-01-05T16:46:00.000-05:00

It's been a while and I've been on break, so I have no excuse for not posting more often. Just a quick update - I have been having a great break. I've been reading, writing, doing applications, sleeping, watching tv and movies - it's amazing. Because I haven't been so hyped up on school work, I am able to enjoy some of the pleasures that I think college students miss out on.

The other day, my father took me to the fruit and vegetable market that we always go to for great prices on produce. It's called Joe Randazzo's Fruit and Vegetable Market (snazzy name, no?). I haven't been there since I left for college and so I had forgotten how much I enjoy shopping for produce. It's very different than being in a grocery store, because they only sell produce and its far from a fancy shopping experience, no high tech lighting or artistic arrangements (like what you would see at a Whole Foods market). So why do I like it? First of all, it's by far the most diverse place I have been to in all of Michigan - every ethnicity and nationality is represented in this market on any given weekend; you hear an assortment of languages, see a variety of different kinds of clothing. I particularly like to see all the grandparents who are around, wearing the traditional garb of whatever nation they are originally from, carefully discerning the good fruit and vegetables from the bad with their many years of shopping wisdom. I love observing their techniques, whether it is smelling the cilantro to see how fresh it is to clamping an avocado to know how ripe it is. Then there's the sensory experience. You forget how colorful nature is when you live most of your life in New Haven, or any city for that matter. And when I mean colorful, I don't mean the glitzy Las Vegas man-made colorful. The colors and shapes of all the fruits and vegetables in the market are absolutely amazing - the deep red-orange hue of persimmons, the clean whiteness of garlic, the smooth purple surface of an eggplant, the beautiful deep green color of romaine lettuce - it literally is a feast for the eyes. And the smell of a produce market is overwhelming - particularly near all the citrus fruits and herbs. I just love the smell of lemon and basil (seperately and together). It's just such a wonderfully relaxing (though overwhelming too) experience - it's almost therapeutic, even just to think about it. Oh, how much I'll miss these experiences when I go back to Yale.

I think I should try to get out to the East Rock farmer's market this spring semester - for therapeutic reasons...

No, No, No...and maybe Yes (a few times)

2006-12-27T20:04:00.000-05:00

The past few days the world was not giving me a lot slack and here are all the things I've wanted to say to it:

No, I will not wake up to move my luggage - I am a sleep deprived college student, it's Christmas Eve, and the train is empty except for us (Muslims who are just trying to get home).

No, you aren't getting any tip, because you have given me lousy service and I can't afford to, and no, swearing at me is not going to get you any either.

No, you cannot talk to people like that and make fun of their accents and confusion; I am sorry that you work check-in at an airport, you probably don't get paid enough and you have to work on Christmas Eve, but that does not give you the right to be a racist.

No, I do know how frustrated you are - I know you are trying to get home for Christmas, trying to fly stand-by, but don't get mad if the flight is full. And, no, you do not need to yell in public places - we all know that the desk attendant is not God; we do not need you to clarify that for us, all the while scaring us half to death.

No, I AM supposed to sit in that seat - I know that I wasn't here before you, but Northwest Airlines doesn't play musical chairs - so I get the window seat...don't make me call the flight attendant.

No, I don't celebrate Christmas - and yes I know what Christmas is - and no, I am not going to celebrate it for the gifts and decorations (and in the process cheapen it for Christians who really believe) - I have my own holidays (one of which is coming up on Sunday!).

No, I don't understand why my voter registration doesn't count for proof of residence - I mean - if I vote here, doesn't it mean I live here. And yes, I do have a copy of my birth certificate, and yes, the man standing next to me is the man listed on there as my father!

No, Officer, there wasn't a left turn lane or traffic control signal at that intersection; and no, he does not have a bad driving record.

Yes, I really go to Yale, and yes, it is a real university - and yes, Skull and Bones is a real secret society. And no, the society is not an extension of the CIA like in The Good Shepard.

That's enough for now...

Done....

2006-12-25T12:46:00.000-05:00

Finished all my school work for the first semester and I am officially done with two and half years of my college career. I am back home in Michigan for three weeks with no school work - but tons of other work to do - internship applications, freshman counselor applications, mock trial work - it's sort of a doozy. It will get done, but I need time to recover from a busy semester. It's Christmas today; what better day to take rest when everyone else is resting as well - I mean, they are getting presents too. But Eid-Al-Adha is coming up....

More updates coming later...

Airing Out....

2006-12-16T09:57:00.000-05:00

So a few of my friends asked me why I blog and why I choose to blog about such personal topics instead of writing in a journal. They thought it was weird for someone to write about such private matters and air it out for everyone to read. Of course, only after proclaiming that it was weird do they ask me why I do it - well what is a girl to answer to that! I told them at the time that it was therapeutic; their answer "so is a journal"...

Well after having slept on such an inquisition of my actions, I have an answer. The odd thing is they will not read this on my blog, where it was intended to be read, but rather on The Facebook, which imports my blog posts. But here is my answer -

I write about these things, because it is MORE therapeutic than a journal, but yet more accessible than talking to someone in person. I would much rather talk to someone about it, but at the same time, I know that people aren't going to have the time for me when I need them or that they even want to hear my rants (I think what is proof that people don't want to hear it is that people are uncomfortable reading about your down times and then they question you not about the content of your post, but the reasons behind why you blog). But when I type them out and I push the button that "publishes" it onto my blog, I feel like I have spoken to someone about it. The internet/the world wide web is an huge anonymous person that occasionally responds to me through the comments section or emails. Sometimes with words of encouragement, or words of praise, or even advice - and while I don't always take what they write to heart - it makes me suprisingly happy to know that someone random cares. Often times, I am rather disillusioned by people, but these sporadic interactions give me a little faith that people can care about others that they hardly know. The other reason I blog is because I know that there are folks out there that relate to what I am saying - and they feel comforted to know that they aren't alone in the insanity. As much as I like the intellectual blogs that write about matters of great importance, there is something delightful about coming across a blog in which that person writes about private moments that they have had and you find yourself in a deja-vu moment, reliving not only the experience, but the emotions you had during it. It's like someone saying to you "I totally know what you mean by that," but you know they aren't faking it. It's a rush actually, to blog that is, and only a few can do it without restraint (I am still working on that - but apparently I already don't use enough restraint).

So, there you have it - further reasons why I blog. The fact is that I more often than not blog about the good times, not the bad. And who has a problem with airing out clean laundry...?

Alright - back to that paper that I should be writing....

Just so you all know....

2006-12-12T16:06:00.001-05:00

Thanks for caring - but I am doing better with the disappointment - now I have to study and write papers without falling asleep!

More Disapointment...

2006-12-12T01:13:00.000-05:00

Why do I do this to myself? Why do I become friends with people I know are flaky? Who don't care about the time and effort you put in to be their friend? Why did I have a study break in my common room when I have so much work to do? The only reason I am typing this post is because I don't think I can really talk to anyone else about this without getting some kind of "I told you so." People have been telling me for years that I should stay away from flaky people - people have been telling me throughout college, beware of fair-weather friends. And this one friend - that's what s/he has become to me - fair-weather and flaky. Haven't talked to him/her in a while - don't know what's going on in this person's life - I don't know why I am this person's friend sometimes. And then there's the other friend who doesn't care to listen to my problems - only his/her's - and it's driving me nuts. Why do I never learn to take care of myself? To ignore people's calls and people's complaints - but I don't. This has not been a good night for me in general - and now I must attempt to get some work done before I call it a night. I can't even begin to express my disappointment with my friends...

Disappointment....

2006-12-10T14:26:00.000-05:00

I have been rather disappointed with a lot of my friends - with Yale in general - lately. I have never expected much out of Yale or it's students; I don't expect much out of the world usually. But when you fail such low expectations, it can be so much more disheartening then people's failure of high expectations. All this disappointment sort of sank in this week and especially last night at a party I went to. The people at this party, I thought they were my friends, and I they are, but their understanding of the world is so limited and isolated. I didn't have anything to talk to them about - I don't drink, so I couldn't join in on the debauchery surrounding that. I don't like playing darts and I don't like playing flip cup. I felt uncomfortable around a group of people I don't usually feel uncomfortable around. I wondered which one of them would have laughed at the posters around campus or the Yale Record fake blue book. I was sure that some of them would have - they are all ignorant to world events. They don't know why Muhammad Ali is one of the best people alive - they are so detached from reality. They are more concerned about the fake shooting of a black teenager than the actual shooting of a black teenager that happened a week ago in their own neighborhood. They will never snap out of their drunken stupor or, on the flip side, their school work obsessed haze. I have always known about their dangerous apathy, but lately I have been more affected by it than I used to be. But I persist in being their friends, nudging them towards reality, hopefully making them feel as guilty about their apathy as I feel about not helping them more to face the world and all the problems in it.

A Sense of Accomplishment (Part 2)

2006-12-05T09:54:00.000-05:00

(For Part 1)

The tournament is finally over - it finished late on Saturday night. With little to no sleep in three days, it's taken me two days to recover - and I am still a little tired. With 70 teams and 280 judges, it was a massive undertaking my co-director and I took on; we both must have been a little crazy. I was so nervous that all would go wrong - that people would say that this was the worst run tournament that had ever been to. That wasn't really the case. Some were really impressed by the size and the quality of the judging, which made me really happy - somebody appreciated the work that we did. And while I was stressed during the whole event, I got a weird, but exhilerating adrenaline rush from doing it. It was odd, being on the other side - usually I am the one waiting for the scores to be released, wondering what they were doing in the tab room, rearranging furniture into the semblance of a court room, and cursing the judges. I know that I will never again balk when a round doesn't start on time, if ballots go missing, or if a judge isn't quite up to par on the latest mock trial theory. It's hard to run any tournament, especially one on this scale - so the next tournament I am at - I am going to thank them for running it.

While the rounds were in progress, there was a lull in the law school and all the the tournament staff had some time to rest. I got to sit down and it sank in that somehow 650 people had been coordinated to where they were supposed to go and were doing the same thing as the room next to them and that it would be ok....until the ballots started coming in. The first day was rough with tabbing, but the smoother it went each time, again the more amazed I was. The numbers crunched and it worked out. And it hit me - this is sort of what I was talking about in that post a long time ago - a bit of that sense of accomplishment. While this is certainly not the end or the pinnacle of my life's work (at least I hope not ;), it gave me a taste of what it feels like to accomplish something big. And I want to have that feeling again, but on a grander scale...

"Ambition never comes to an end."

Will you look at that?

2006-11-28T10:37:00.000-05:00

So in the morning, I procrastinated and took this personality test and here are the results.

Advanced Global Personality Test Results

Extraversion	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	66%
Stability	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	66%
Orderliness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	66%
Accommodation	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	76%
Interdependence	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	83%
Intellectual	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	83%
Mystical	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Artistic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Religious	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	90%
Hedonism	\|\|	10%
Materialism	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Narcissism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Adventurousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Work ethic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Self absorbed	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Conflict seeking	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Need to dominate	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%

Romantic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Avoidant	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Anti-authority	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Wealth	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Dependency	\|\|\|\|\|\|	23%
Change averse	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Cautiousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Individuality	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Sexuality	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Peter pan complex	\|\|	10%
Physical security	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Physical Fitness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	64%
Histrionic	\|\|\|\|	16%
Paranoia	\|\|\|\|	16%
Vanity	\|\|\|\|	16%
Hypersensitivity	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Female cliche	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%

Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test

SOME MORE RESULTS:

Stability results were moderately high which suggests you are relaxed, calm, secure, and optimistic.

Orderliness results were moderately high which suggests you are, at times, overly organized, reliable, neat, and hard working at the expense of flexibility, efficiency, spontaneity, and fun.

Extraversion results were moderately high which suggests you are, at times, overly talkative, outgoing, sociable and interacting at the expense of developing your own individual interests and internally based identity.

trait snapshot:
clean, likes large parties, outgoing, makes friends easily, optimistic, positive, social, high self control, traditional, assertive, rarely irritated, self revealing, open, finisher, high self concept, controlling, rarely worries, tough, likes to stand out, does not like to be alone, semi neat freak, fearless, dominant, trusting, organized, resolute, strong, practical, craves attention, adventurous, hard working, respects authority, brutally honest, realist, altruistic.

So for my buddies that know me - is this at all accurate?

Papers, Football and Turkey: The Recap

2006-11-25T15:37:00.000-05:00

After reading many of my friends blog posts, I thought that maybe it was time for me to post - it has been a while. The reason - what else - work, work, work. Always too busy for the little things that bring me joy - maybe that's why I have been down lately. Anyways, here's a recap:

Week before Thanksgiving = week from hell (literally) -

I had three papers due that week, two of the 15 pagers - that's right - and I got them all done. It was a miracle. But my time at school is topped off by the idiotic posting of flyers with images of the Prophet (S) with a severed head in one hand and a bloody sword in another saying, "Mohammed says: Don't mess with Ahmadinejad's nukes." But more on that in a later post - my emotions and thoughts on that will take up too much space here. Then it was off to the Harvard-Yale football game. I went Friday night, where I stayed over at a Yale alumnus' apartment. Then we all went to the HIS social; the theme was "Red, with a little bit of Blue." I will not comment too much (see previous post hullabaloo to understand), but I had fun and I got to see friends and hang out after a long week. We all went out to dinner at Uno's, where we discussed various issues of no importance - I was definitely in no mood to be deep. Then Saturday - the game - which Yale one - first in 5 years! It was a nice way to end the week.

Break - week of Thanksgiving -

I went home to Michigan on Sunday; my friend A. came to Michigan with me too. It was a lot of fun and it was very relaxing - though I didn't do half the work I wanted to get done unfortunately. I never get my work done - but that's ok. Cooking was fun - Thanksgiving is traditionally the holiday that my sister and I take over the kitchen. I was thankful to be home with my family and happy that nothing went wrong and that life was peaceful (I haven't had that at home in a very long time). I had a lot of time to reflect and rest to prepare me for the three very long weeks ahead. The tournament, MSA events, papers and finals - it makes my head spin just thinking about it all....

So here I am, procrastinating when I should be working (as is the usual situation when I post), typing this blog entry. I never have anything particularly deep to say in these entries (they are supposed to be cathartic for me; hopefully entertaining for you) - only that if you are feeling down right now and alone and stressed, just remember me and know that there are tons of college students feeling just like you and they can totally relate. I know that a few of my friends are going to have one of the most hectic weeks of their college careers coming up - just like me - and I want them to know that I am there for them and if they need me, they can most definitely count on me - even in my most hectic week. It always helps me to remember that I am not the only one....

Thank God I am alive and well, in a good place, and that I have family and friends that love me and that I can count on - I only hope that I am as kind, loving, and strong as they are.

With that, I am off to work....

A Tired Sigh....

2006-10-27T14:59:00.000-04:00

It's been a while since I last wrote a post - my friend a couple of nights ago gave me a reminder that I need to update my blog. So here's an update on my life people -

Ramadan Banquet happened last Friday - it was a huge success, and tons of people came out. More alumni than ever came out; we even had students from Harvard come! It was a lot of fun - though a really big blur. And when it was all over, I told myself, I can relax a little bit more now; though the relief had not fully sunk in.

Ramadan is now over; it's departure is bittersweet. I am glad that I can eat during the day - I have been so much more productive and my mood has improved ten-fold. I am sad, though, because I don't feel like I got as much spiritually as I could have out of the month. When I told one of my friends about that, she asked whether you can ever really feel like you made the most of Ramadan. Good point, I realized, but still - I felt spiritually disconnected this year during Ramadan, though it wasn't completely void of its spiritual value. It definitely had its moments. I will also miss seeing the community everyday, but hopefully we will keep in touch and spontaneously go out every now and then for coffee or a movie.

Eid was nice, though wasn't the same for me, but since I came to college it's always felt like less of a holiday and more of a hassle. I always miss my parents and old friends that have graduated and I hate the fact that I can never fully take the day off. This year was particularly frustrating, because our local masjid celebrated on Wednesday, when most of the U.S. celebrated on Monday or Tuesday. Nevertheless, it was nice to see people in their finery and go out to IHOP with everyone afterwords. I decided this year that I would sit with people I didn't really know, and it was incredibly refreshing. In that way, I think I am getting out of my shell - I am usually someone that really only wants to hang out with a few of my really good friends.

All my midterms are over - thank God for that! I even got one of my midterms back - and I did pretty well! It makes me optimistic about my other midterms. Though, school won't stop until Thanksgiving break....

*Sigh*

Daydreaming...

2006-10-18T13:56:00.000-04:00

So I've been wondering about a lot of things lately. I've been so tired that my mind drifts a lot in class to things that are sometimes related, sometimes not.

First thing: Love and Obsession

Today in my anthropology class, we talked about the way love is seen in the Middle East. My professor used the story of Layla and Majnun as a cultural example of what Middle Easterners think passionate love is. To sum up their views according to my anthropology professor - it's insane, crazy, and a little awesome. But this is of course from the man's view - because it's always the guy that goes crazy in the Arabic love poetry. So I was thinking, what is it like for this girl, the one who the guy is dying to be with? Believe me, I have never had a single guy head over heels for me - let alone a string of them? What is that like? To walk into a room, and know that every guy is infatuated with you? Do girls like that know? If they don't know, why don't they - is that part of their appeal? And if they do, what does it do to their identity? So this is one think I ponder and hypothesize about.

Second thing: Ancient Greece

I have been taking a class on Ancient Greek History and I often find myself daydreaming about these larger than life characters and people we talk about in class. Some of them are probably mythical people like Agamemnon, Achilles, Theseus, Minos, just to name a few. Some of them existed like Homer, Solon, Socrates, Aristotle, Lycurgus, Darius, and Xerxes. Did these people know they were going to make history? What was it like to live with them and know them? Prof. Kagan is very good at make them seem near super-human with their values, morals, stature and life; his idealization of the Greeks borders on insanity - but he's still an excellent lecturer. But then Prof. Kagan talks about slavery, domination, lack of women's rights, and lack of technology, and I am snapped back to reality and writing furiously in my notebook. That's the real reason why he's a good lecturer; he keeps me focused.

Third Thing: Islam

I am taking at least two classes in which I grapple with Islam and the cultures that have adopted it, if not three (my Postcolonial Philosophies of Culture class, we covered the Arab world, and undoubtedly we discussed Islam's influence on the postcolonial Arab world). I am always daydreaming about Islam; what was it like to live during the Prophet's (S) time? How were things different? What really is women's status in Islam? How about the Muslim empires of the 11th and 12th centuries - was it amazing to live in a time when Islam was the majority religion and Muslims ruled over vast areas? I think about the prospect now, and I am a little scared - could we revive that apex of Islamic culture; do we really want to take over the world again if we could? This is what I do instead of listening in my Intro to Islam class - I'll just do the reading I tell myself.

That's what happens in class - and this is just a taste of the many things I like to debate and question in my head. Oh so complicated.....

Feeling a little crazy....

2006-10-09T17:04:00.000-04:00

Today was my first day back after a break from fasting (I was riding that excruciating crimson wave), and I am dying. Not from hunger, but from caffeine deficiency - I will definitely need to go out for coffee after iftar. I no longer have the attention span to do my reading or work on my other activities - the lack of glucose and caffeine has really affected me.

Oof - I am so behind on my work and normally that would stress me out. But I am riding on a cloud right now - that's how happy I am - that nothing can bring me down. I haven't felt this good in a very long time.

Almost too long...

Oh no....the need for clarifications

2006-10-04T13:55:00.000-04:00

So a comment in my last post has prompted me to post some clarifications and warnings about my blog. I often forget that people who don't know me or the kind of person I am read my blog; when I do remember, I censor my speech incredibly.

As for this last post about my trip to Cambridge and my experience with HIS, the comment made me realize that I wasn't clear with my praise. I don't retract anything I said in my previous post, because, to be honest, I either didn't mean it in a hurtful way or I was just joking. It was truly meant for the people who had been on the trip with me, but that doesn't mean that other's don't read it. I should have said more, including, "Don't get me wrong, the people were great and welcoming and I had a wonderful time at the iftar. It was amazing to be away from home and still feel like I had a community."

So here is the warning: my blog posts are never meant to be any kind of normative statement on people and their habits (unless I explicitly explain as such), but rather an amusing way to look at the often misunderstood or quirky things about life as a Yalie, Muslim, girl, or human. Therefore, though it might be hard to do this, please don't judge my whole character as a person (or a Muslim for that matter) through my blog. And don't take anything I say seriously - everything is stated tongue in cheek.

Clarifications done....

Whirlwind

2006-10-03T02:28:00.000-04:00

Oh, I have had one hell of a weekend and I am going to have one hell of a week. Am I stressed? A little bit, but not nearly as much as I should be. I think fasting has broken my stress nerves and thus I release less adrenaline in these do or die situations. This past Saturday, I went to visit to Cambridge/Harvard with a few friends. We left right after suhoor and were in Cambridge by 8:30 AM. I had been up the entire night - I planned to stay up the entire day too. By the time I had come back to New Haven, I had stayed up for more than 24 hours. Now you know what I mean by whirlwind. But the trip was amazing; I met up with an old friend who had graduated when I was a freshman. It was wonderful to see her; I hadn't seen her since Thanksgiving of last year. I also met up with an old MSN buddy (if you are reading this, thanks for a wonderful time!), who showed us around his house (Harvard's equivalent of residential colleges, though I have a feeling that they aren't quite the same in spirit) and then hosted us at Harvard Islamic Society's daily iftars. It was interesting, to say the least. The girls were tremendously awkward, the guys couldn't look me in the eye (lest they burn in hell for catching the color of my irises) - so it was the Yale MSA representatives' mission (if they chose to accept it) to break down these gender barriers. And we did, with some success (I hope our gender mixed group has maintained their integrity), and afterwords we went out for coffee at Cafe Paradiso. My body has not been responding well to the lack of caffeine during the day - I am talking about uber-headaches that make me feel like a boulder is crushing my head. I know, I know - it's really bad - but caffeine is a legally addictive, cheaply found (for the most part) stimulant that allows me to do all the things I need to do. There I downed a gloriously bitter expresso machiatto, which allowed me to stay up with the driver and direct her to New Haven. And then I had to do work....

I had so much fun; I need more breaks like that - but how do you come down again to do the common drudgery of daily life? And people ask me why I am a realistic optimist (a.k.a. hopeful cynic)...