The Yale Center For Bioethics

So someone has been bugging me to update with a new post! I'm working on another post, but that won't be ready for awhile, but when it is...it will be a doozy. So to have a quick update on life, I thought I would talk about the new things happening in my life. The reason I have been too busy to update my blog is because I have started my internship at the Center for Bioethics at Yale. We are really hard at work right now with a publication called the Bioethics at Yale Journal, which is a a yearly publication about the work being done at the Center.

Other than that though, we've started our summer seminar series. Today we had Margaret Farley, who is Co-director of the Center and Dean of the Divinity School at Yale University, lead the class and discussion. Today was the first time I met all of the other interns, a lot of them are from Yale, one is from Princeton, another from University of Toronto, another from the University of Northern Texas, to name a few of the different institutions that the interns are from. With the nervousness of meeting new people, I have yet to really gauge my reaction to them because I haven't had the time or the nerve to go and talk to them all. But I am sure that I will end up liking all of them, if not also being good friends with them. Today's class, Dr. Farley gave the interns an overview of ethics, medical ethics, and bioethics and the different principles and discourses that guide them. She was an amazing speaker (everyone who has met her raves about her, including Carol Pollard, who is the Assistant Director of the Institute for Social and Policy Studies), and I learned quite a bit.

Now this is my third year doing the internship, and every year they have had this seminar, and the most interesting part about these seminars is when we look at case studies. For example, one of the cases we discussed today was about a committee for a hospital sees that 4 patients have been recommended by their physicians for long-term kidney dialysis. Unfortunately, there are only 2 spots available. The question posed to us was how is the committee supposed to determine which patients are to receive life-saving dialysis. What do you think?

There were two interns who suggested randomization; I was one of them. The reason I supported this view was while it seems arbitrary, to pick according to any other criteria would be morally arbitrary as well (to understand terminology, read Rawls), so the fairest and most equal way to do choose would be randomly. The other interns suggested possibility for success, age, medical utility (meaning how well the treatment would work); one even suggested the patient's benefit to society. I might have been surprised at the last option, because of the difficulty to gauge this quality. Overall though, it was a fruitful discussion, and I look forward to more of them. I am excited about this internship, as I was in the years before.

"Integrity is doing the right thing, even if nobody is watching."-- Anonymous

Getting Lost in A Book

Well, I just came back from the library, and I had this unbearable urge to blog. It's a sign; I've been doing this for a few months and already I am hooked. Oh well...

Something occurred to me when I walked into the library to return some movies. I haven't had the feeling of being lost in a good book in a while. This past year, school has literally taken over. I have only time to do readings for class...well maybe some magazines as well, like The New Yorker or The Atlantic Monthly, and even The New York Times online. Never a book though. Don't get me wrong, taking 5 classes at Yale has you reading a lot and I assure you, a lot of it stuck. Unfortunately, even the books in my English class, did not afford me the sensation of being truly engaged in a story. Though I hated my English class, that wasn't the reason I couldn't enjoy the material we read. In all of my classes, including European Literary Tradition, we rushed through the material. In a hurry to make us more knowledgeable, Yale professors do not allow time for the careful brewing that is required to like a subject. It is up to us, the student, to decide which topics interest us. In that frenzy of decision-making, I hope I didn't make a mistake in choosing to focus in on my political science classes. I did end up enjoying those classes more than my other ones. Despite this, Hobbes, Tocqueville, Rawls, and the other political thinkers I read this past year were not able to quench my thirst for a old-fashioned page turner.

So I think I am going to go and try to revive that feeling, if it hasn't died yet!

A home without books is a body without soul. -- Marcus Tullius Cicero

Liberal or Conservative? More like a Collective Libertarian...

Your Political Profile

Overall: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal

Social Issues: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal

Personal Responsibility: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal

Fiscal Issues: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal

Ethics: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal

Defense and Crime: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal

How Liberal / Conservative Are You?

So this is my political profile...I am a 100% liberal on all issues. Can you believe that? A 12 question quiz determined my political stance on all issues. Of course the questions are very obvious and very black and white. There is no variance at all. But I guess we live in a black and white world; you're either with us or against us. I suppose I rather be 100% liberal than 10% conservative and 90% liberal; to be tainted by the conservative plague would be the death of me. This profile doesn't surprise me really either. On these shallow 2-dimensional tests, I always get the ultra-liberal profile.

But I think there needs to be a change. If you go to political compass.org, they explain the need to get rid of the outdated, French Revolution style, right and left outlook on politics. You need a political compass. Here is their compass, you can look for an explanation for it on their website.

I think it's pretty self explanatory, but nevertheless, if you need one, go check it out. Now let's look at where I am placed on the political compass.

Your political compass
Economic Left/Right: -6.25
Social Libertarian/Authoritarian: -5.64

These coordinates place me in the bottem left quandrant, right in the middle of it. I am still pretty liberal, but not 100% liberal. Otherwise, my dot would be on the bottom left corner. To put where I am in perspective, let's look at another graph:

or another...

I am right near Gandhi, Nelson Mandela, or the Dalai Lama. Not a bad place to be I suppose. Particularly Gandhi, seeing that he is one of my favorite people in history, and if I were to meet any number of people in history to interview, he would probably be one. No one would think that Gandhi as some uber-liberal...so then why am I? I am not, and there is more depth to the political perspective than that shallow line of left versus right. Go ahead take the quiz. It will be fun.

One needs to be slow to form convictions, but once formed they must be defended against the heaviest odds. --- Mahatma Gandhi

Sense of Accomplishment

I told you I would be back as soon as I had something deeper to say...well, take it as you might see it, deeper or not. I was just actually reading one of my other friends and future suitemates blog, and that motivated me to write something now. Crazy, how other people motivate you to do the oddest things, and not even know it. She's actually the one that I am going to go see Revenge of the Sith with (see Star Wars link). So if you can follow my train of thought...I was reading the blog, thinking of what we were going to do in about an hour (going to see the movie), and also thinking about a CNN.com article I just read about George Lucas. The article addressed how after tomorrow, the Star Wars saga is ending and how leagues of fans will have a bittersweet experience watching this movie. The finality might have meant some depression on the part of George Lucas, who spend his life working and creating this alternate universe. But he said instead, that he felt a sense of accomplishment; he is in his 60's after all. I think it important that he does feel a sense of accomplishment...

Sometimes I wonder though, how that might feel, and whether I might ever actually have it. I mean a real sense of accomplishment, not the kind you feel after writing a huge paper, or getting a degree, but rather the high you get after having completed you opus - your life's work. It's hard to see it at 19; that anyone could have a life's work, that it takes greatness to have an opus. Just the tone of that word connotes some kind of grandeur that I only hope to achieve. Some people dream of love and fortune, but me, in my delusion sees the hope that I might give millions some kind of escape, real or unreal, that would raise to the same kind of iconic status that George Lucus. Of course, with a little less of the cultishness that he has associated with him. I want it, not because I need adoration, but truly, to have a feeling of real accomplishment - as if I had a life's work that meant something to many others, as well as myself. But this is just probably me, vocalizing the idleness I feel, because of my utter uselessness while I wait for my summer work to begin...

You can have anything you want, if you want it badly enough. You can be anything you want to be, do anything you set out to accomplish if you hold to that desire with singleness of purpose. -- Abraham Lincoln

Summer's HERE!!!!!!!

So school is officially over! And I am freakin' bored!! Well, actually, I should savor the time I have, just doing nothing. My internship for the summer is starting in the beginning of June, and I have applied for a few summer jobs. So I will be busy, but not for another week or so. I have had more down time in these two weeks since school ended than I have had in a while. It's nice to have, though, after all the hustle and bustle of the school year.

I was sad to see my friends go; I said goodbye to one today who is going to be in Europe and then Tunisia studying Arabic for the whole summer. He won't be home at all. I am trying to get home; I think my parents miss me a lot. They sound so mournful on the phone. They'll see me, insh'allah; that's what I tell them.

So how have I been filling my time? With some of my favorite pastimes: collaging (I'll try to scan one of mine in for a post), watching so many movies (one of which is Revenge of the Sith tonight!!), hanging out with senior/graduate friends that are still here until commencement, and chilling with my sister, who I am living with over the summer. I have been wanting to do collages for the longest time; I was just so busy over the school year. But now I am in a sort of overload. And movies...I think I might have overdosed on those too! I didn't think it was possible either, but believe me, it is. I've also been doing some educational stuff, like learning the rules of evidence for Mock Trial purposes. I've also been brushing up on my Arabic, which I desperately need. But for the most part, my days have been lazy and filled with useless nonsense (like this blog.)

When I have something deep to say, I'll be back!

Summer afternoon - summer afternoon; to me those have always been the two most beautiful words in the English language. -- Henry James

English Review

I just finished my first round of English review; I'll have a review session at 8 for this test. To be honest, I just don't see the point. Before, I used to be one the greatest advocates of analyzing literature, but after this class, I have converted to the Dark Side. This semester, I had a real English Ph.D. as my teacher. You think that would be an awesome thing, but no, it meant torture. Classes were spent discussing topics that none of the students wanted to discuss (so there was no discussion.)

Reading, after a certain age, diverts the mind too much from its creative pursuits. Any man who reads too much and uses his own brain too little falls into lazy habits of thinking. -- Albert Einstein

Instead, we talked about established and accepted interpretations of the texts. Talk about boring, but I figure, that's what English is about. Some person establishes an idea, and then other people in English do their theses trying to prove it right. One of my suitemates (and I am living with her next year) said that English is basically majoring in BS. Before this class, I probably would mostly disagree with that statement, and say that at the higher levels, that English is serious business! Yet, after weeks spent discussing and over analyzing texts, and listening to teenagers wade through this pool of BS with more BS, I have to whole-heartedly agree with that statement.

You know, it's probably because I am not very good at English, and there are people who are truly good at it. But for the most part, people who do well in English are just really good at making stuff up. I am just not creative enough for it...I'll stick to Political Science, Philosophy, and the host of other subjects available here at Yale. It's not that I don't enjoy reading literature. Quite the contrary, I love reading, but just think it's pretentious to think I can analyze a text that took some person years to write. Also, what if the author didn't intend anything of the book he or she wrote; what if we are reading too deep? I guess it doesn't hurt us to do it, but I certainly am in a great amount of emotional pain when we do. I think what Locke says about divine texts apply to all great literature; that there is no one who can interpret the text for you, that is for you to decide on your own. So what's the point of having English class? I guess I should indulge people who don't agree with me.

Never judge a book by its movie. -- J. W. Eagan

Boys, Guys, and Men...

Yeah, so I am procrastinating a little more tonight, cause it is my second post trying to get out of studying for English. I had an epiphany, well more like two, tonight. One is that I hate English, and will never take another English class again. I mean I like reading literature, I just don't like to pretend I understand how to interpret it. Maybe some things are supposed to be left uninterpreted. The other epiphany was that about boys or guys or men...whatever I am supposed to call them. Well it was more about my relation to them. I have, and you may think I am weird for this, never actually liked a guy...I mean have a crush on someone. There have been guys I thought were cute or attractive, but never head over heels for someone. The reason I say this is because I have heard girls talk about crushes they had, and I must honestly say that I have never had those feelings about someone I knew. Of course I have had my share of celebrity crushes, but everyone has...I think. I just don't understand their reaction to me, what they think of me, whether I would ever be suitable for a relationship.

I am a closed person; I don't often tell people everything. Even my journal is shielded from some kind of truth. Is that the reason I've never had a crush? I don't know...one of my best friends at Yale, and he's a guy, says that I am too cynical and have too high standards, and that is why no boy has ever met my approval. That doesn't make sense to me either. There are lot of guys I like and think would make great boyfriends...for my friends, but never for me.

I've always thought it was because I am Muslim. Now, boy-girl relationships are complicated in the Muslim community, though less so in the Yale Muslim community. Even there though, I see people finding others, where I have almost resolved myself that I could never find anyone for myself. Then again, I never have had the urge to go find someone...go fetch me some husband (because you don't have boyfriends in the Muslim community, only straight husbands!). The reason this came up was that my suitemate (and my other best friend at Yale) said that she wanted someone to like. What a statement! I have never heard of anything like it, but I am sure it is a motivating factor in many girls crushes. Just that need to have a companion, a partner.

That need to have someone, it has never really hit me. I am waiting for it though, to rush onto me like an oncoming wave. Sometimes I think there is something wrong with me, but I console myself saying that I am complete within myself. I don't need a companion, at least not now...maybe when I am 50, but I suppose it's too late to marry then. To a certain extent though, I am complete and whole. That need for a companion to complete me, accept me, and care for me, for right now, is fulfilled by my family, friends and myself. Maybe I'll change...then I'll write a huge long blog entry for that too. All I have to say, is that the guy has got to be amazing to change this seamless personality I like to call my soul, because I don't see anyone entering it anytime soon.

"If you love all things, you will also attain the divine mystery that is in all things. For then your abilty to percieve the truth will grow every day, and your mind will open itself to an all-embracing love..." - Fyodor Dostoyevsky

FINALS WEEK!!!

God, finals week...it sucks. Everyone is under the weather, the weather is under the weather, and we are all stressed! I am using this time to procrastinate from the actual studying I have to do for my last final, which is in English on Sunday. I guess I have all of tomorrow to study too, but I know that won't happen! I'll probably get really distracted. I have had two other finals, one of them today. It was for this class, Moral Foundations of Politics, which discusses the legitimacy of governments. It's a whole lot of political philosophy, if you're into that kind of thing. The final was actually a lot of fun. One of the essay questions said that there are three girls fighting over a flute, Alice, Betty, and Carrie. Alice is the only one that knows how to play a flute. Betty is too poor to afford toys. Carrie is the one that spent hours making the flute. Which one should receive the flute? You had to discuss arguments that Bentham, Marx, Rawls, Nozick and MacIntyre would give for or against your argument. It was quite amusing and a lot of fun. The other essay question was whether popular mandate legitimizes the government's banning gay marriage. Very hip and sexy topic to ask us about, but thought provoking. So that was a cool final...for some it might have been dreadful, but it was fun for me. It would be interesting to see what other people wrote. I tried asking my roommate, but she wasn't up to talking about it. She's one of those people that have been under the weather. I can't let that happen to me. Otherwise I'll be mad depressed.

As for my other final, which was in History of Scientific Medicine, it was 6...yes count them...6 essays on this test. What the heck was Dr. Nuland thinking!!!? It doesn't matter, because that was another test I went auto-pilot on. I don't know for sure I did well on that test, like I do for MoFoPo, but I think I did. And I got an A on my term paper that I wrote on Elizabeth Blackwell, who is the first female doctor in the world. He didn't write many comments on the paper, but I suppose that could be a good thing.

There's another thing wrong with 2nd semester finals week. You have to pack, for real packing. I am talking about all of your stuff in your room gone. It's such a daunting task for me. I know I have quite a few days to do it, but it still seems like I am all alone doing it. I know this sounds stupid, but it seems like I have so much stuff, that the task of packing it all into boxes seems like climbing Mt. Everest or some other impossible goal. But as one of my suitemates, and one of my best friends at Yale, tells me, "It'll all get done, somehow!"

Usually I have that kind of perspective, but all the continual studying during this week has just made me so tired. I will gain perspective...somehow!

Peace be on the world especially the Middle East.

Yale in the Spring

These are some of the pictures I took recently of the beautiful Yale campus. Most of them are of the pretty trees you can find around Old Campus, where all the freshman live. It's been wonderful to wake up to sunshine and greenness...I don't even know if that is a word. I think its great that finals week, a week that most of hate, has good weather to cheer us all up. It's not too hot, and its not too cold, just right for me at least. I had a final today, and it felt great to walk out and it wasn't raining and there were so many vibrant and striking colors around. This is when I realize how much I love Yale's campus and appreciate its beauty the most. I am glad that I will be here until the end of spring, because many students will have to wait a whole year to see all the gorgeous flowers, only to see them for a few weeks.

I'll be spending the summer here in New Haven. For while, I had been regretting it, but now I think it will be great to spend the summer with my sister. Even though I am doing the same thing (chilling in the Bioethics Project) that I've been doing for the past two summers, I'll try to mix it up with some new activities. I am going to be writing for the Atlas Shrugged essay contest, see if I can earn some money for college. I will be learning those rules of evidence back and front, numbers and actual wording. That's hard core I know, but that's how you get good at Mock Trial. And then there's Arabic, which I will try to get better at, by reviewing all the books we got for this year. So the summer will feel fruitful, even though I am not doing all the cool things everyone else is doing (like traveling in Europe and going to Tunis or going to Latvia or working for LAUSD). No, I am not doing something that sounds cool, but it's important to me and to what I want to do. Well, I should get back to studying. It should be fun....yeah, right! But the summer will be awesome, I can just feel it. I just have to get through these next few days.

There is only one success - to be able to spend your life in your own way. - Christopher Morley (1890 - 1957)